Lights, part II

I've noticed lately the street lights aren't just turning off around me anymore. Now they're turning on. I suspect it has to do with me noticing them turning on moreso than the turning off.

...Interesting.

Norwegian Wood

Sometimes I wonder, am I the only person in the world who thinks the Beatles' song, "Norwegian Wood," is about the main character setting the poor girl's apartment on fire?

Lights

Every time I drive somewhere at night, street lights go off around me. I've noticed this phenomenon for the last year or so; lately it seems to have become increasingly pronounced. I probably am noticing it more because I'm paying attention to it more.

I find the fact of it puzzling. I've asked other people and nobody else notices street lights going off whenever they drive under them. I have this theory that maybe it happens all the time, like maybe the lights are designed to turn on and off periodically (maybe if they get too hot or something?) and just I'm the only person that notices it. I can't tell, because I haven't been able to get anyone else to start really consciously paying attention to watch for it.

My friend Colette said she saw this thing on TV one time about people who have a lot of problems with electronics and stuff because supposedly they have some kind of electromagnetic field that surrounds them. Sounded like one of those sketchy pseudo-science programs when she told me about it. I have a lot of problems with stuff malfunctioning, or crashing, but I always thought it was just because I'm a non-typical user. Maybe I do generate some kind of electromagnetic rays or something, and it's causing the street lights to go out. I dunno. Anyways, it's weird. I can't remember the last time I drove 20 minutes in the dark and didn't see at least 1 street light go out as I drove under it. Oftentimes it happens more than once just on the same stretch of Mopac or 183.

Weird.

Me vs. the Candy

So there's this guy Ken who is the PM for the group I'm working with out here in RTP. and he used to sit with Paul, across the hall, when I was in my swanky office that I inherited from a STSM (or some other acronym that stands for somebody more important than me). Anyways, Ken always has a plastic jar fully of candy in his office, specifically the chocolate variety.

When we sat in the offices, occasionally I would stop by and chit-chat w/ Paul, who's my friend and mentor, but in reality the reason I was there was so I could gank a piece of candy.

So about a week or 2 ago we all moved into cubicles, and in the 4-plex of cubes where I am are Paul and Ken. Ken has taken to placing his jar of candy on a table in the middle of our area. Buried within are numerous mini Reese's Peanut Butter cups, and they are calling out my name so loudly as to almost drown out everything else. It's really very distracting. "Laura," they cry, "eat us! Pleeeeeeeeaaaaase eat us!"

Paul tried several different methods to try to stop me from eating the candy. He even put some earplugs in a plastic bag with a note "In case of candy" nearby, in case the ear plugs would block out the sound of the candy screaming at me. It was to no avail. But then he stumbled upon a brilliant solution! Paul flipped the candy jar so that the opening was underneath.

The comparative silence was deafening. Not only was the candy made inaccessible due to it being trapped under the jar, but it didn't even seem as appealing. A yucky half-melted piece slid disconsolately down the side of the interior. Not a sound was heard emerging from the bottom of the jar. For at least half an hour, I had peace, until Ken came along and flipped it back over.

*sigh*

Oh well, I guess I'll just tack another half hour of running into the week's schedule...

A Dream

There's this friend that I'm estranged from. I feel weird saying that, because I'm not the type of person that is typically estranged from anyone. But, anyways, I am estranged from her. It wasn't my choice, it was hers. I tried unsuccessfully for a while to get her to talk to me again but then I figured maybe I was doing more harm than good, so I let her go, thinking eventually it would sort itself out. But it hasn't so far. The way she treated me really hurt for a long time, but it doesn't hurt anymore.

Anyways, so I hadn't really thought about her for awhile. I guess I thought I had more or less written her off. Last night I dreamed I saw her again, and she was bald. She had no eyebrows or lashes. She had gone through chemo. It turns out, she hadn't stopped talking to me because she hated me or anything, it was because she found out she had cancer and she just couldn't deal w/ me. I guess she thought I was too high-maintenance of a friend. Looking back, I think maybe I was. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was pretty depressed during the whole time we were friends. Partly it was due to physiological reasons, which are perfectly evident now, but which at the time, I was totally unaware of. For some reason it seems like we're never aware of these things at the time.

So in this dream, realizing what had happened, I felt pretty terrible. But not so much out of guilt, because I knew it was her choice to push me away, and she realized it, too. Mostly I just felt awful because of knowing that she had gone through so much suffering. And wishing I could have been there to help out in some way. Even if I was a "high-maintenance" friend, no matter how down you are, when somebody else needs help you get over your own issues to come through for them.

In the dream, my mom was with me. This girl asked "How do I look?" and I was about to say "awful" and my mom said "You look GREAT!" in this really sincere, enthusiastic tone, and I realized that she _did_ look great, in spite of it all. And I was like "wow, I'm so glad my mom said that." So I made a mental note when I woke up if anyone who's just been through chemo asks how do I look, I will tell them that they look great, no matter how awful they really look. Because being alive does look great, when you put things in perspective.

I also realized when I woke up how much I still care about this person. I am really worried about her and I hope she's ok. I know it's just a dream, but I can't help worrying somewhat. I'd much rather she stopped talking to me because she does hate me, and not because she has cancer. I want to call her but I don't know if I should. It would probably sound weird to call up and be like "are you ok?... I just wanted to make sure..." I don't know if I'll call her or not. I don't know if the phone number I have for her is even correct anymore. There's a lot of stuff I don't know.

I do know that dreams can have meaning. I don't think this one came out of nowhere.
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FOLLOWUP:
I did call her. It was a really difficult thing for me to do, I don't know why. But I did call her, and I'm glad I did. I keep thinking about a line from a Kingdom Melody that says something about when difficult problems arise, you often find, the answer lies, in simply being kind. You can't wait for other people to take the initiative. Kindness is proactive. I think this whole thing has been a lesson in humility for me.

Unusual occurrences

1. While walking at the greenbelt the other day with my friend Jonathan, we saw 4 snakes. One of them was a python (escaped pet?). Tonight I watched several episodes of Monty Python.

2. When I was at DTW on Sunday, at the Ghetto terminal (aka the Smith terminal), I saw my friend James. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!

3. There was this guy we saw at Potrero last November when we were climbing- a Mexican dude that had these CrAzY zebra-print action pants (capri-length, mind you) and cRaZy hair (almost a pompadour- only it was kind of all-over big, rather than just on top alone). WELL TODAY I SAW HIM AGAIN!!!! in a climbing gym in North Carolina!!! It was HIM, i tell you! I heard his accent and everything- definitely a Mexican. Come on what are the odds there are TWO Mexican dudes w/ the same hair and the same action pants who are both climbers? It's statistically highly unprobable, if not impossible.

What does it all mean?

My guess would be: absolutely nothing.

Of doctors and dreams

So, the other day I went to the doctor for a checkup (haven't had one in years). Although I was pleased to find out that I'm taller than I realized (5'5 1/2", w00t!) I also weigh as much as I ever have. So, apparently I'm fat. Well, not really. I just need to keep an eye on it, I guess. *sigh* but I'm hungry all the time!!

=)

In other news, last night I had a dream that the city of Ann Arbor, MI, had created a "virtual overlay" of itself. What they did was digitize a huge amount of photographic data to create a sort of "background" image. Then they took these crazy floating cameras and created a ginormous grid. Thousands of cameras covered the city, capturing real-time info and constantly updating the virtual city.

For people who had an account (I had one), you could basically log into the system and using some kind of direct-neural interface, step inside of the virtual overlay. You could think of a certain place and wah-la, there you were, in the virtual version of the city. The weird thing is, being in the virtual world, it was possible to see the real people in the real city, because of the real-time updates from the cameras. But they couldn't see you. You could also find other people easily in both the real and virtual cities by simply thinking of the person you wanted to find. If the person was in the network, you would instantly be transported to his/her location, in the grid. The stalking possibilities were endless.

So I was floating around in Virtual Ann Arbor and big-brother concerns aside, it was kinda neat.

desideratum

a kind word, at the right time
a brother
born for times of distress

so many people i've missed through the years
i still think of them often

i knew one once who could read my mind
but now we never talk

sometimes i wonder
does he remember my name?

Dreams

About 3 or 4 nights ago I had a dream that I went back to Michigan in the fall. I was riding in a car in the back seat and when we arrived we were at my aunt's old house, the one that's next door to my family's old house. When we got there, I looked around and all the trees were red, and covered with red berries. The sunlight streamed down and all I saw around me was the dark bark of the trees, almost black, covered with brilliant red leaves and fruit. It was so beautiful that I started crying. Everybody was trying to get me to stop and saying "what's wrong?" but nothing was wrong and I cried for like 5 minutes straight because it was too beautiful.

On a less poetic note, last night I had a dream that I got my phone bill and I had used 1100 in-network text messages and 200 out-of-network. I have this bad feeling that when I look at this month's bill, it's not going to be far off.

Google's Most Advanced Relevance Algorithm Yet

PigeonRank.

This is just too freakin' awesome.

On Being Evil

Today I laughed at my office mate's hair for like 5 minutes. It was out of hand. I mean, not only was his hair out of hand, but my reaction to it was way out of hand as well. But I just couldn't help myself. The more I laughed about it, the funnier it seemed.

I can be so mean sometimes.

Love

We think we love people because they're so great. But lately I've been struck by the thought that, maybe it's actually the other way around. People seem great to us because we love them.

In unrelated news, I found an interesting fragment in my notebook the other day. I didn't remember the dream referred to until I read the excerpt.

1/15/06-

Lost fragments
of memories
stay in my mind
frozen in time
they never leave me
but for a moment

Last night I dreamed of my house in flames
And all I could think of was "grab the camera"
to try to get a good shot of it going down
I probably would have blogged it.

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