hi there.

i just wanted to mention the fact that i cut my hair last night. i do that from time to time. i don't have somebody ELSE cut it; i cut it MYSELF. now, certain people have (or, more specifically, a certain person has) asserted that i am a "girly-girl".

i ask you- would a girly-girl cut her own hair? i think NOT.

ok, that's really all i have to say at the moment. i'm in the process of totally revamping my web site. i'm kind of excited about it. at the moment, the new version of hte side resides at http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~lmcwil/tmp/.

well, my last entry didn't work at all. they really should improve the netscape support on this site. sometimes it works, sometimes it doens't. right now i'm at home and i'm only writing in here while i wait for my phone interview w/ Siebel Systems. it's really not supposed to be until another 15 minutes or so. i'm not sure waht to expect. but hopefully they won't ask me all kind of crazy technical questions.

so anyways, there was a point to all this. today when i got home, i noticed a little tiny sign on our front yard. i was thinking "what's the deal?" so before i went up to the house, i went over to take a look. i figure "if somebody's sticking random signs on our lawn, well i oughta do something about it". the sign was so small, in order to read it, i had to walk onto the lawn. it said,

*dramatic pause*

"WARNING: pesticide applied- keep off grass"
or someting to that effect. needless to say, i found it rather ironic, since there was no way for me to READ of this warning w/out walking onto the grass. ok, so that was my little story of the day.

i guess there has been some stuff on my mind but there's no way i'm going to write about it here. i got an email that kind of surprised me today. i wasn't too sure how to react to it. suffice it to say, it kind of bugs me when people say one thing in email but act totally different in real life. i dont' buy into that program. if somebody is sincere, they;d better show it IRL, whatever they say in email. ok, so i'll come down off my soap box now.

in case someone is actually reading this and slowly dying of boredom, i'll stop now.

i don't know if this will work. right now the web form is displaying all screwy. i dunno why- i've used blogger b4 on a Sun using Netscape 4 or whatever.

anyways, i just needed a little breath of air. i'm working on my 470 homework and to be quite honest, i doint really expect to go home tonite. i think this may call for an all-nighter. i don't know what i'll do if the time comes and i am too tired to drive home but i'm too tired to get anything done also.

well i'm trying to DESTRESS so why am i talking about that? enh. there's nothing i can talk about that would make me feel better. well, nothing that i would want anyone to see.

i'm listening to Dido in an attempt to relax. on the bright side, i think the forwarding works for at least some instructions. well, i know it does. it's just that for some reason now my loads and/or stores are screwed up. the code i added shouldn't have screwed that up.

i feel kind of sick to my stomach and i haven't really eaten a lot these past few days. there has been only one bright spot in my last 3 days and that's what i'm NOT going to talk about.

heh heh but i am smiling now so i guess this little exercise has done me SOME good, right? i feel bad because colette is coming to the study tonite but i won't be there. i miss her so much. i guess i probably saw her like a few weeks ago or something, but it feels like 4ever. actually, come to tghink of it it feels like forever since i started doing this homework problem. i think i'm a different person than i was when i started.

writing always seems to help me feel better. i just hope this stupid weblog actually WORKS. but even if it doesn't, i still think writing in here has helped me to feel a little better.
til next time.

ok, so i'm sitting at the MU right now thinking I should be working on 470. but it's hard to get started, because they gave us all these scripts and crap but when i tried to run them before, nothing happened. i did what the one guy said on the newsgruop but it didn't do what it was supposed to.

i just had a conversation w/ somebody that i was pretty good friends w/ last year. but now i realize that we never really had a friendship at all. it was all just an illusion. so i basically have a bitter taste in my mouth and i just feel icky. really, i don't know why i let things get to me so much. i have noticed for a long time that i have really high expectations, especially when it comes to people. i keep telling myself i should lower my expectations, but i never do. he said i need to be more patient. well, maybe it's true to some extent. but it doesn't change the fact that i'm bitterly disappointed.

i know later it will fade and not be such a big deal. but the fact is i really care about this person and it's hard for me to believe that i was so wrong about everything. i am just a stupid girl.

i'll get over it. i guess. i'll probaly make the same mistake later.

well, it's like 11 or something, and i'm sitting in my room Thursday night listening to Dashboard Confessional burning like 5 candles or something. Man, I wish Beck was here. she would appreciate this. i really miss her. it seems like i haven't talked to her in ages. i've tried to call her a coupla times but haven't been able to get ahold of her. but that's no excuse.

there is a reason why i'm being pathetic right now, but i don't feel like going into it. i don't know if i'll ever feel like going into it. well, if anyone was out there reading this, i'm sure somebody would probably pick up on the reason. it's not particularly hard to guess. enh.. ack bllghgh. this weekend is gonnna suck.

NO. i'm deciding, here and now, that this weekend is NOT going to suck. it will do nohting of the sort. so what if certain people... are going to be far away. no, i'm stopping now. i know this entry is getting all incoherent but i really don't care. but one thing i can say, this weekend is NOT going to suck. i'm going to have fun. and i'm going to finally get some of my crazy 470 homework done. i talked to mike chu today (who was my GSI for 370) and he said this homework we are getting now is the hardest one. which is a relief, because i looked at it all, and i didn't really know what most of the questions were talking about. which is kind of a bad sign. i've been drinking pop in that class to stay awake. there is no way for me to stay awake in that class without caffiene. and it's not even boring, or anytyihg.

ok, i'm done. if i keep things up i'll tell EVERYTHIKNG.

ok, so i basically have no real reason to write in this thing. it's just my writing compulsion, acting up again. there was something i wanted to say earlier, but now i forgot. one of these days i'm going to put a link to this blog on my web page. oh yeah, that reminds me, i have a domain name now. it's http:\\la-dee-dah.com. all the ones i really wanted were already taken. I am thinking of registering LauraMcWilliams.com, too, before some name-stealer snatches it up. it might be nice to have a professional sounding web address when i graduate.

i'm hoping that this web design class will motivate me and give me the knowledge needed to completely revamp my web page. because it's seriously pretty lame. ah well, all in due time. so far, this semester is going pretty well. i like having only 12 credits. I am supposed to start working for this one professor, but his colleague still hasn't emailed me to tell me when we can meet up and they can get me started and what-not. so i'm kind of enh about that.

ok, well i guess that's enough rambling for now. 'til next time.

well, hunh. i have no particular reason for wanting to write in this thing today, but i just felt like it. i would like to share the fact that Lucida Console is my favorite font. Hopefully that's the font that is showing up right now. There is another cool font called Interdimensional but i don't think it's installed on most people's machines, unfortunately.


I really should redo my web page. I can't work on 470 homework right now, because i do'nt have my book w/ me. there is a reason, but i don't feel like explaining. there is a reason for almost everything, but i seldom feel like explaining it.


Truth be told, for some time i've had this odd premonition that i woudln't live past 21. But, here i am, and i'm already half-way thru the ripe old age of 21 years. So, i guess i can look at it 2 ways- either i'm almost home-free or i haven't got much time left. haha this is probably not the type of thing most people would consider funny. but it amuses me, nonetheless. no, seriously i haven't had that feeling in a long time. really. i plan on living for quite some time longer. actually, i don't plan on ever dying.


I'm really not a morbid person. i don't know what made me bring it up. it's just something that occurred to me this morning. because i hadn't thought of the odd premonition i used to have for a long time. in fact, when i turned 21, the thought didn't even cross my mind. i had completely forgotten about it.


I think i'm going to put some poems up here. actually, i wrote a poem in spanish the other day that i think i'll post. (haha nobody reading this is gonna know spanish, so i guess i'm safe, eh?) here goes nothing:

---

Poema de Amor

(written in EECS 470 Notebook, Sept 11, 2002)



el amor de mi vida no sabe que yo existo
el amor de mi vida es mas lejos que la luna
sin embargo, su cuerpo es tan cerca, como la esperanza dentro de mi corazon
el amor de mi vida, su alma vive en el rio
-el rio que fluga por la plena de mi cuerpo
sus ojos son claros con la luz de la vida
cuanda se veo, mi cabeza nada en el ocio de su voz
el amor de mi vida, estoy mirando a el siempre
pero todos los dias es como si no viva aqui
nunca me ha veido, nunca me ha querido
cado dia, cada noche me muro un poco mas


el amor de mi vida, no sabe que yo existo

---

don't even BOTHER trying to figure it out. and DON"T ASK.

well i'm sitting here in Tech Comm class feeling extremely bored. since i'm learning some html, i guess i oughta start using some tags in here, eh?
i really don't know that much about it, though, i so guess it will be beneficial.

let's make a list:

1

List element

2

Another list element

Well, i'll see how that turns out.

i am so dying of boredom right now. ya know, i don't particularly care for the style of this weblog. i'm gonna see what i can do to change it. also, the title majorly needs to change. it was just all i could think of, at the time. further, i wanted to get the word "musings" in there.

so tomorrow's my last day at work. i like my job a lot, but i'm kind of ready to move on. i'm ready to go back to school, but at the same time i'm kind of feeling the old sense of dread as well. you just never know how it's gonna be. i'm feeling really optimistic, though. i'm supposed to be starting this new job for a professor who i had for Operating Systems. that was a great class. i'm kind of intimidated, because i'm sure all the kids on his team are super-smart. i will most likely look like a total doof. of course, that won't be a first for me, so i'm sure i can deal w/ that. i just hope i don't tick people off too much because of not knowing stuff. i don't care if they think i'm stupid or something i just hope they realize i'm capable of learning. i want to learn all this stuff.

there was something else... hmm what was it? ah well. i'll doubtless tell a lot more about school and what not in days to come. oh yeah i'm just wondering how personal i should get in this weblog. i have a feeling most of the people mentioned in here will probably never read it, but nevertheless i didn't want to do a private thing. so i have to be careful. i am thinking it would be nice to use a weblog for my journal, but at the same time i kind of like curling up w/ an actual paper book to write stuff down when i need to vent and what not. so.. i don't know... i'll think about it, i guess.

ok, well this has been a boring installment.

Ok, so i've moved it onto the free web space. I'll try to figure out later why the blogger program couldn't log onto my ftp server. oh well. ftp is insecure anyways.

blah blah blah

This is a test post. I decided to start my own blog. I intend to use it as an on-line journal. maybe i'll put poems and stuff up here. We'll see how it turns out. I don't like that it makes you use FTP. I wish it used SCP instead. Ok, well, let's see if this works.

ack! the ftp server isn't accepting my login, for some reason...