System
Welcome Laura McWilliams.
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Connection with server established.
You
Technical Support Topic: DSL High Speed Internet
System
Riley has joined this session!
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Connected with Riley
Riley
Thank you for contacting AT&T Internet Services. How can I help you?
You
hi
You
quick question
Riley
Yes, please ask.
You
i just finished looking at some article another ATT person sent me about putting my modem into bridged mode
You
but i think it's not enough- something weird is still happening w/ my router (and i know you're gonna say "we don't support your router")
Riley
I apologize for the inconvenience you are facing with this issue and will be happy to assist you.
You
just wondering if there's any other configuration setting required beyond putting it into bridged mode
You
the weird thing is, the router is getting a (seemingly valid) gateway and DNS info
You
(although the subnet mask is coming up all 1's... 255.255.255.255, which seems odd to me)
You
the router can ping the outside world, but the PC cannot
You
any thoughts?
Riley
Laura McWilliam, thank you for the information.
Riley
What is the make and model of the modem/router?
You
Linksys WRT45g
You
the last ATT person sent me to linksys
You
i told her " they are not going to give me tech support" she was like, "yes they will"
You
well she was wrong, my friend
Riley
Okay, I aplogize for inconvenience.
You
is Riley your real name?
Riley
Yes.
You
ok
Riley
Are you able to browse any web sites like Google, Yahoo! etc?
You
well i can at the moment, but that's b/c i went back to my cable connection
You
thank goodness i didn't cancel it yet
You
the modem works on its own, it just wont play nice w/ my router
Riley
Have you tried to connect with the modem only?
You
yeah i got that working first b4 hooking up the router
Riley
Okay.
You
then i tried to get the router to work, leaving the "PPoE " or whatever on the modem. that didn't work
You
so then i changed it to bridged mode and put the PPPoE authentication onto the router
You
when it was set up like that, the router itself could ping outside the local network, but my mac, which was of course on the LAN, could not
You
actually it really does sound like a router issue doesn't it
Riley
Yes, you are correct.
You
but the router works fine when it's connected in dhcp mode to my cable modem
Riley
Okay, please confirm the light status on the router.
You
unfortunatley at this moment the router is connected to the cable (hence we are having this conversation)
You
but i can tell you with utmost certainty, there is a reliable link between the modem and the router
Riley
Okay.
You
of course, there was also WLAN activity showing on theh router, too
You
apparently a lot of ppl have trouble getting ATT to work w/ their routers
You
anyways, do you have any other suggestions besides putting the modem into bridged mode?
Riley
I would like to inform you that there should not be any problem while putting the modem in the bridge mode.
You
so you're basically telling me to get a new router
Riley
No, as you informed that your router is working fine when connected to the cable.
You
does it sound fishy to you that when it's connected to the DSL modem, on the connection status page, that it says the subnet mask is 255.255.255.255?
You
or is that normal?
You
(btw i'm glad you're not telling me to get a new router. i feel like i'm already doing better than i was w/ the last ATT person i talked to)
Riley
No, there is no need to buy a new router.
You
yay. so... any suggestions?
Riley
I would like to inform you that it is very difficult to continue with the bridging steps from this chat session.
Riley
You need to contact our voice technical helpdesk.
You
ack! no, not them again
You
argh
You
lol
You
they won't help me b/c it's a Linksys router
Riley
I know they will not help you as you are using the linksys router but they will transfer your call to the appropriate department.
You
nope, they will try to transfer me to linksys
Riley
Okay.
You
are you saying this b/c you really don't know, or just b/c it's not your job? (it's ok either way, i am not blaming you)
You
(i don't want you to get fired or something)
You
ok i have just one question
You
maybe you're allowed to answer
Riley
Yes, please ask,
You
on the router when i set it up to use PPPoE, there is also a place where after the login info i can put a 'Service name'
You
i had just left it blank- do you know if there's supposed to be something there?
You
this is the first time i ever tried DSL so it's all kinda new to me
You
i'm used to cable which you know it just works kind of, "out-of-the-box" as it were
You
...Well, you seem to be kind of busy
Riley
It is not necessary to put the service name there.
You
ok thanks
You
all right Riley well i guess i will just have to continue googling
Riley
The most I can do is.
Riley
That I can send you the link regarding bridging modem.
You
yeah, i did the bridging thing. it helped. it was a step in the right direction
You
thanks anyways, i already have that link
Riley
I guess that you do not like it but finally you need to contact our voice support.
You
no, seriously Riley, i really did try that already
You
they aren't going to help me
Riley
And, you need to contact the Linksys support.
You
they won't help me either. not unless i pay them like 39 bucks, which is almost enough to buy a new router
You
so, away to google we go
You
if i don't get it working i'll just cancel the service; i didn't really need to switch; cable works fine
You
have a good evening/morning/whatever time of day it is where you are =) take it easy Riley
Riley
What they told you regarding the issue when you contacted the Linksys support?
You
they literally wouldn't tell me anything b/c my router is too old. it's "out of warranty"
You
i think they have a solution, probably all printed up in a nice PDF sitting on their desk
You
lol
Riley
*smile.
You
but i told them i wasn't willing to pay
You
(all right, i finally got a smile out of you! my goal is achieved)
You
:-) thanks anyways
Riley
I am here to help you and it is nice chatting with you.
Riley
I must say that you are technically sound.
You
that is probably the 2nd weirdest compliment i've ever received
Riley
It is not like that.
Riley
Laura McWilliams, Is there anything else related to AT&T that I may assist you ?
You
nope i think i'm good
You
have a good one Riley- guess i'll sign off the chat now
Riley
Thank you for your valuable time and patience.

Weird Coincidence

I realized this awhile ago, but I never mentioned it here. For a long time, my favorite day of the week has been Tuesday. It just always has been, ever since I was little. I think for as long as I've been aware of the days of the week, Tuesday has been my favorite.

My favorite time of day is 11:11 am. I find the sequence of ones very satisfying. It also just seems like a good time of day- in the middle of the day my energy levels are usually pretty high, and I'm probably busy doing something.

Anyways, probably within the last year or so, I was looking at my baby book, which my mom gave me when I moved away, and I discovered that I was born at 11:11 am on a Tuesday. Isn't that weird?

############# edited later
incidentally, lately I have even more reason to look forward to Tuesday. Hence, this post.

Random thoughts for the day



1. I just recently noticed that I'm the only person in the world who refers to the color of a street light when it's about to turn red as "orange." Everyone else in the world apparently refers to this color as "yellow." Hunh. Looks orange to me. Maybe orangish-yellow.

2. Fruit flies are actually best killed with 2 hands. The usual one-hand-swipe method, which is soooo effective with mosquitoes and house flies, is totally unhelpful with fruit flies. I finally figured out why today. I think it's because they are so tiny, they have so little weight, when you try to swat at them with one hand, the force of your hand on the air actually creates an air current that pushes them out of harms way. On the other hand, if you clap BOTH hands together with the fruit fly in the middle, the opposing forces cancel each other out, thus trapping the fruit fly.

3. Today I received a "Club Wedd" gift registry invitation from Target. Is somebody playing a prank on me?

ok, i think i had another one, but it escapes me at the moment.

###

Reasons Why I'm going Insane Today


1. Fruit Flies

They are driving me insane. There is NO FRUIT anywhere in the vicinity of my desk, yet swarms of these obnoxious hateful creatures are constantly flying around my face, landing on my lips, and fluttering about in front of my computer screens. I have moved the Fruit Fly Trap of Doom (a balloon glass w/ about an ounce of red wine, covered w/ plastic wrap that has holes punched in it) to my desk in hopes that it will help the situation. Currently there are about 10 dead or dying fruit flies in it, but most of them were already there from the time the Trap of Doom was in the kitchen.

I am soooo good at killing house flies with my bare hands, but fruit flies have these incredible evasive techniques. Today I think I have only managed to kill by hand about 3 of them. I think they're so tiny they literally slip through my fingers. Arrrrgggh! I hate them. They make me crazy.


2. Computers Suck.
(Warning: this one is kind of technical)

For about the last hour, I've been unsuccessfully trying to install Linux to an LPAR on a JS22 for a demonstration that I'm attempting to record. I really just want to get this out of the way; these recordings have been hanging over my head for months now. And I'm not going to have another opportunity to work on this for months, because my work schedule is so full.

Well, I have been doing exactly what I should do. I confirmed the MAC address of the LPAR. I modified the dhcpd.conf file on the install server. I checked everything twice. EVERYTIME I TRY TO BOOT FROM THE NETWORK IT TRIES TO INSTALL THE WRONG IMAGE USING THE WRONG CLIENT IP ADDRESS. This is making me crazy! I restarted dhcpd like a bajillion times. I thought "Is it using a different MAC address? Is it using the wrong dhcpd.conf file? ARE THERE TWO IMAGE SERVERS ON OUR NETWORK USING THE SAME IP ADDRESS?!?!?" What the heck is going on? Arggggh!

It's said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Well, about 20 tries later, I guess you can call me insane.


3. Windows' Window Manager

This one has driven me insane for a long time. In Linux, you can choose your window manager based on its qualities. The window manager is the program that controls how your desktop behaves. In Windoze, afaict, you can't choose it, it just IS. knowing microsoft, it's probably an intrinsic "feature" of the operating system, they probably didn't even code it up in such a way that it could be modularized. Or maybe they left it to the behavior of individual applications, and it just so happens that all the crappy apps i'm forced to use for work just happen to behave in this annoying-as-all-getout fashion.

Anyways, this is what drives me nuts. Anytime something happens in an application like a change in state, it steals my focus. ARRRRRGGGHHH. DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING IT IS WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO TYPE SOMETHING LIKE A PASSWORD CORRECTLY FOR LIKE THE FOURTH TIME AND YOUR FOCUS GETS STOLEN AGAIN?

There MUST be a way to configure this behavior. Not only does it steal my focus, but whenever I get a new message via Sametime (IBM's internal IM app), it also makes my Task bar, which is normally hidden, appear, and it WON'T go away until I click on it. This is EVEN MORE ANNOYING than usual when I'm using Application Sharing in Elluminate to do a demonstration, b/c the task bar is in the same location where Elluminate docks itself for the app share. So then I can't even end the App Share until I have clicked on the task bar.

This is what i have to deal with every day. I hate the combination of Windows' window manager and the annoying behavior of Sametime and Elluminate when it's in app-share mode. And it's making me crazy.


------------- Ok, I had to come back in and add one more thing
4. SLOW CONNECTIONS/SOFTWARE

Argggh! the IVM (Integrated Virtualization Manager) is soooooooo incredibly slow!! Is it just my connection to Beaverton? That seems unlikely, since the AMM is also there and it's GUI seems fairly responsive. This is making me crazy, crazy, crazy!

Betrayal

my greatest fear
unleashed
is this sickness too much
will it overcome me

and why
didn't he tell me
before

now i scan the list
name after name after name after name
is there no one i trust?

phone rings
rings, rings, rings, rings... voicemail

well after all it's nearly midnight there

one person i could surely call
any time of night
and yet
i can't talk to her about this
won't talk to her about things of this nature

so i keep dialing
eventually
i'll find someone

to trust

Ready
(found on a post-it notepad I normally use for grocery lists and the like; I think I wrote this April 11)

you made inroads
little by little...
when i first met you
seems so long ago
a far off time
-who were we then?

were we the same people who stand here today
strong, solid, yet shaking like leaves?
fragile as snowflakes drifting down slowly
we are strong; we are not wholly without goodness or character-

but are we ready?

Death, which I seem to think about a lot but seldom blog about

The other day we were out in service and went on someone's return visit that has cancer. In fact, the friend who was visiting her was afraid she might have passed away, b/c last time she went to see her, she was in the hospital in critical condition. The lady has stage 4 cancer and she's got 2 kids.

I commented something like "Man, it must be hard to live with that hanging over your head." I paused, thinking about it a moment, then continued, "...But then, I guess we all are- living with that hanging over our heads." (thereby totally bringing down the entire service group.)

The fact is, we are all living under a death sentence. If it weren't for the ransom, none of us would have any real hope for an everlasting future. When you think about it, at what point can you ever say, "it's enough- I've had enough life, really I don't mind dying now." Is it worse to die now than next week? The fact is, if you're happy, and you aren't in constant pain, life is a blessing and a joy. I felt in light of tomorrow's Memorial of Jesus' death, it was an appropriate topic to ruminate about.

A separate thought about death that also came out of the same day in service. We were talking about cancer and someone made the remark that surviving has a lot to do with your will to live. I have to admit it kind of bothers me sometimes when people say that. I'm not saying it's completely untrue. For example, I know someone whose dad was living with a 3-month cancer death sentence for over a year, but he managed to live to see her wedding day, and then died just a few weeks later.

But my aunt wanted to live, too. She had grandbabies that she fully expected to see grow up. She had a marriage that was happier towards the end of her life than it had been during the 40 odd years prior (they married young- she wasn't that old). She was loved. She had a lot of things she enjoyed doing. She had a strong will to live, but it wasn't enough.

I don't plan on dying, but if I do I hope to at least die doing what I believe in, to the last.

On sleep

(copied from an email sent to a friend)

i think i told you that i'm like a little kid when it comes to going to bed. i don't WANT to go to bed. the more tired i get, the LESS inclined i feel to go to bed.

they say little children have trouble going to sleep at night because they are afraid of it. they don't know if they will ever wake up again, so in a sense, for them going to sleep is like risking death.

i think sleep is a like a little death. the time you spend sleeping is part of your life that you will never fully experience.

on the other hand, if you don't sleep, you'll die. and sleep has a huge impact on your quality of life- if you don't get enough of it, of sufficient quality, you could suffer impaired brain function and a host of other problems.

....am i the only one who sees irony in this?

~L
(嫣 然)

Since I've stopped updating my music blog...

Here's a blow-by-blow of last weekend, as told to my friend Paul in chat:

list of bands I saw at this year's ACL Fest:
?	Fri- tail end of What Made Milwaukee Famous (enh), Vampire Weekend (very disappointed), Gogol Bordello (so stupid that I took a nap), walked past Mates of State (which sounded cool), Hot Chip (awesome), The Swell Season (awesome!!!)	1:24:17 PM
Paul XXXXXX	yeah, I thought Vampire Weekend were lame...	1:24:49 PM
?	"uhh..this is a bunch of frat boys playing ironic pop...it's like they're mocking themselves.."	1:25:16 PM
lmcwil@us.ibm....	but i like the album	1:25:27 PM
?	i actually really like it	1:25:30 PM
?	their show sucked hardcore, though	1:25:35 PM
?	the album isn't like something great it's just very listenable summertime pop	1:26:12 PM
?	it's good driving music, or jogging music	1:26:20 PM
Paul XXXXXX	I could see that.	1:26:43 PM
?	though I don't have their album	1:26:50 PM
?	Hot Chip is awesome...The Warning is one of my favorite albums of the past few years	1:27:11 PM
?	Over and Over is sooo good live	1:27:21 PM
lmcwil@us.ibm....	Sat- Fleet Foxes (rad! super rad! have to buy their stuff now), The Fratellis (zzzzz only listened for like 10 mins and got super bored), part of Driveby Truckers (pretty decent, actually), Erykah Badu (pretty good), sort of listened to Spiritualized whilst taking a break in someone else's chair (was good, but not particularly inspiring), Iron and Wine (awesome! super awesome!), then most of Beck (pretty good but overhyped)	1:28:24 PM
?	agreed about "Over and Over"	1:28:33 PM
?	that was rad	1:28:34 PM
Paul XXXXXXXX	I like Iron and Wine alot...haven't seen em live yet	1:29:18 PM
lmcwil@us.ibm....	Sunday I had a VIP pass for part of the day, courtesy of the CL ppl	1:29:21 PM
?	i should have seen them at ACL in the past, but someone else trumped them	1:29:35 PM
Paul XXXXXXXX	I like Beck's recent albums, but I haven't seen him live in ~5 years	1:29:37 PM
lmcwil@us.ibm....	'was sure not to miss them this time	1:29:41 PM
?	his live show was decent but i was super far away and on the vid screen he looked OLD	1:29:53 PM
Paul XXXXXXX	did you check out Racontuers or Black Keys?	1:30:14 PM
lmcwil@us.ibm....	Sun- Octopus Proj (was right up against the rail, love them soooooo much i'm a totally fangirl, this was seriously one of their best shows ever, tho)	1:30:35 PM
?	i saw raconteurs last time	1:30:40 PM
?	didn't catch Black Keys due to Iron&Wine	1:30:48 PM
Paul XXXXX	ah, the conflicts of big fests...	1:31:21 PM
?	going to see Black keys in Asheville this weekend	1:32:09 PM
lmcwil@us.ibm....	(Sun, cont)- Tristan Prettyman (randomly went to it due to a friend, she was actually ok but i'm not going to get in line to buy the cd), then hung out awhile in VIP getting free booze, saw part of Colour Revolt (randomly, happened to be nearby and it sounded good), Heartless BAstards (awesome! super awesome!!!!), listened to Gnarls Barkely from a distance (was getting tired), then Band of Horses (good, but i was too tired to appreciate), stayed for like 15 mins of Foo Fighters then was like "I'm so done"	1:32:46 PM
?	i just wanted to hear "Everlong" but they didn't play it w/in the first 3 songs so i was like "screw it"	1:33:04 PM
?	i'm really not into them	1:33:14 PM
?	Asheville is a long ways for just a concert!	1:33:30 PM
?	then riding my bike home i almost bit it when i hit a speed bump in the pitch blackness of dark	1:34:26 PM
?	i jarred my left hand so hard i thought i almost dislocated a few fingers	1:34:44 PM
Paul XXXXXX	yeow..	1:35:44 PM

Why do i keep on generating this drama? i think i must seek it out somehow, without meaning to. i'm just tired. i thought i was over all that. maybe the world would be better off if i kept to myself. i'm over-committed. i should be committed. i'm over-reacting, most likely. but this is the kind of stuff that could have lasting repercussions. most things in life are reversible, but not everything. this time things are going to be different. this time i know what i want. oh, wait. oh, wait. oh...


*sigh*

More thoughts on Love


So, the other day I received a declaration of love in my email inbox. Alas, it was not for me. It was for some other Laura McWilliams, as was immediately apparent. I couldn't resist skimming over it. This guy was really sincere.

I receive quite a few emails in mistake, especially to this one particular email account. Evidently, my name is quite common. I usually try to reply to the person the first time it happens, just to let him/her know that the intended recipient never got the mail. If someone continually emails me (this happened for quite a while with emails from some school where some other Laura McWilliams is a teacher, I guess) despite having been informed of the mistake, then I simply block the sender.

At any rate, I figured this was an especially important email, so I mailed the guy back right away to let him know that the other Laura was still in the dark about his professed devotion. I couldn't resist dropping a few words of wisdom on him: "No matter what happens, true love always makes you a better person, so you're already better off than you would have been without her."

Perhaps that sounds unbelievably naive.

Aside: my cat just tore across the room to pounce on an invisible foe on the bed. Upon realizing the lack of actual prey, she looked quite disconcerted. (More proof that cats are inherently schitzophrenic.)

Anyways, so back to what I was talking about- I really believe it's true. At some point in the past had you asked me the age-old question of whether it is better to have loved and lost, I probably would have said it's better to have never loved at all. But I've changed my mind. True love does make you a better person. It motivates you to want to be a better person. And that can't be a bad thing.

###

Ok, now that I finally figured out how to get Blogger to display in English instead of Japanese, I have a post. It's actually the text of an email I sent to my brother a week or two ago, and he thought it was funny enough to be blog-worthy, so I've reproduced a slightly edited version of it here:

Somebody call the WAAAAHmbulance (I have to complain)


What is it with my people and stupid emails? I am such a curmudgeon about this sort of thing. Last week, I sent out a short note about a problem I had when I upgraded Lotus Notes (my calendar entries all disappeared), saying "don't bother doing research or anything- I just wanted to check if anyone else in the dept is an early adopter and if so, did you hit this problem") and I get like a reply from half the dept saying "Oh I would never be a early adopter of anything, I just wait until the bugs get worked out" (nevermind the bugs in the craptastic Notes 7, which I've been using forever and KNOW sucks), or "Wow, I can't believe you upgraded early, what a bad idea" type stuff.

Hel-lo-oh! Is that helpful? ...Nooooooo. Did I ask your opinion about the pros/cons of being an "early adopter"? ...Noooooo. Did I ask you "should I upgrade Lotus NOtes?" ...NO! In fact, I ALREADY DID IT so WHY TELL ME THIS NOW? WHY? All your doing is wasting my time by my having to open yet another stupid, unhelpful email, not to mention wasting my time as I get annoying about it it to the point of composing an email complaining about it to my brother, NOT TO MENTION WASTING MY BROTHER'S TIME READING SAID EMAIL OF COMPLAINT.

this type of email response is THE OPPOSITE OF HELPFUL.

I can't decide if these emails are more or less annoying than the other stupid emails some people love to send out. Such as, when I ask one of the non-technical ppl to do something non-technical (which is part of said person's job), and she feels a need to send me 1) a reply, indicating that she's going to do what i asked, 2) an update "I'm doing it now!" and 3) "I finished it!" and when, purely out of recognition that she obviously needs this feedback, i send a one-word reply saying "thanks" she feels it's necessary to email back saying "you're welcome"? I think even the thank-you notes are totally unnecessary. If you ask me a question and I reply back with the answer, you don't need to thank me. The "thank you" that you included at the end of your original mail is sufficient. (THANKS)

But even the totally unnecessary 1- and 2-liners are nowhere near as annoying as the last (and I promise you, this is the last thing I'm going to address) type of annoying email I want to mention.

These are what I like to think of as the "look-at-me-I'm-so-NICE" emails. Whenever somebody in the group is sick or has some personal tragedy which causes him/her to miss work, and hence send an email explaining the absence, to the group, there is always this subset of our dept who, in response, feel the need to make it known to all what KIND, LOVING, THOUGHTFUL people they are. How do they do this? By hitting Reply-to-all when sending a thoughtful, loving message of concern to the aforementioned victim. Is it really necessary to reply-to-all? Do we ALL need to see what a nice person you are? Do you think maybe, just *maybe* your sentiments might be construed as more sincere, if you sent them privately? Or maybe if, *gasp* you took the time to send a hand-written note, or perhaps flowers, or even a phone call- instead of rapidly jotting off an email which you proudly parade in front of the entire department mailing list?

Ok, I'm done, I promise.
It may be the case that I'm actually not *all that* annoyed about this, but was merely using it as an excuse to procrastinate... maybe...

;-)

~L
------------------------------------------
Post Script-

1. The Lotus Notes problem resolved itself mysteriously a few days later, when all my calendar entries magically reappeared.
2. I hope no one from my department reads my blog...
3. By the way, they're all wonderful people (really! we just don't always see eye-to-eye about email usage).
4. I (heart) my job.
#####

Things Needed to Ride on South Lamar
(Especially during Rush Hour)

1. Nerves of Steel
2. Either deafness or a willingness to pretend not to hear when motherly pedestrians hiss through their teeth "Too dangerous!" as you ride by.
3. A bike you absolutely can count on.
4. Good health insurance.
5. If you have dependents, good life insurance.
6. Did I mention nerves of steel?
7. An almost 6th sense about where the cars behind you are, since turning around to look could be fatal, and you probably won't have time to check your mirror (if you have one).
8. A certain "devil may care" type of attitude.
9. One of the following: (a) a thrill-seeking personality, (b) a strong sense of necessity (e.g. "my car is broken down and I need to get to the drug store"), (c) an addiction to the ensuing sense of euphoria when you emerge victorious.
10. Did I mention nerves of steel?

This entry is brought to you by, Jet Lag

I've been deeply surprised by the lack of culture shock I feel in Japan. It may be just due to the fact that I'm in Tokyo, which is a major metropolis, and perhaps all huge cosmopolitan cities share certain traits. I don't know. It's true that I do stand out a bit here. And I do feel a certain unconscious and perhaps unjustified affinity with other non-Asian-looking people I see here (in the back of our minds, are we all thinking "I bet that person speaks English..."? Probably not- I'm sure not every foreigner in Tokyo does. But I would venture I'm not the only one thinking it, which is proven by the fact that we gaijin will spontaneously start talking to each other in English, each in the assumption or hope that the other party will understand.)

I was really worried about the food over here, and afraid that I wouldn't want to eat anything, but now I'm thinking I should be more worried about whether or not I'm going to gain a few pounds over here. I suppose it's true that I've been limited somewhat- there are a lot of restaurants I won't go to because they don't have pictures outside or English on the menu. But there are so many other choices that do- it's really not a problem.

Riding the metro trains in Tokyo is just like riding them anywhere else. They have their own different ticketing systems, but it's not unlike navigating the public transit systems of NYC or Paris. Fortunately, most of the signage includes Romaji, in addition to the Japanese script and Kanji. Of course, there's always the fail-safe trick of counting how many stops have been made and getting off at teh appropriate time, which always works, even if you can't read the signs or understand the announcements.

Walking around the city, a certain silence comes over me, an awareness that I'm not sharing in all that's taking part around me. But it's not unlike walking around a city in America by myself. Whether I understand everything that's being said or not, I'm never a part of everything going on around me. And whenever I'm by myself walking around somewhere, a certain silence falls over me.

Like every time I've been overseas, I'm always surprised by the fact that not everyone automatically knows I'm American. So far only one person has asked me if I was. I've spoken in English to locals, Australians, Europeans and an African. I've done a lot of smiling and sort of half-nodding in a non-committal way to things said to me in Japanese. There is a lot that you can communicate using gestures, facial expressions and the like. I have to say, though, if you only were to know one language well, English is probably a good one to know.

I'll try to write another entry (probably tomorrow at some ungodly hour of the morning, if this jet lag doesn't subside) about the Japanese penchant for wasting ridiculous amounts of packaging (the stereotype is 100% true).

Now if I can just remember which of these buttons on the Blogger page is "publish..." (they look a tad different in Japanese...)
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So far, and yet so close

I have this friend who I think is going through a really tough time right now. Actually, I suspect things have been bad for a while, but I think they've probably gotten closer to rock-bottom recently.

I haven't spoken to this person in almost 6 months. We haven't really hung out in much longer than that. We don't know what's going on in each other's lives. We are totally, completely out of touch.

I wish I could say something comforting, or do something kind, but I can't. Nevertheless, I am confident my friend knows that I care. We will always be friends.

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Bad mood/Good mood

last night i was in the blackest mood i'd been in for a long time. i won't go into details; not many people would understand it anyways.

today i went climbing out at Reimer's ranch and I just feel like a whole new person. Being outdoors, seeing the beauty of Jehovah's creation, feeling the good, solid texture of rock under my hands and feet... then swimming in the refreshing waters of the Pedernales river. All the while spending time with 3 of my best friends, plus a cute puppy....

does it get any better?

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The Microwave, and Geek Speak

There are 2 things I wanted to mention today. First off, I sometimes wonder- am I the only person who, oh maybe 1 out of every 4 or 5 times I use the microwave, if I look at the numbers as it's getting close to zero, suddenly pretend it's a time-bomb about to go off and start melodramatically fake-running in slo-mo away from the kitchen...?

Secondly, an interesting phenomenon that I only recently noticed. Computer people almost NEVER use the word "computer" when talking about computers to each other. We have a variety of euphemisms like "machine," "box," "system," etc. In certain instances we may refer to the computer by its canonical hostname (if it's a well-known system), its model or type (e.g. "my G4" or "that T31 over there-"), or even more generic terms that nevertheless are more specific than "computer" (e.g. "my desktop," "his tablet-PC," or "your Mac"). I can't ever remember referring to a computer as a computer unless I was talking to somebody who didn't know anything about computers.

I wonder if this kind of phenomenon is observable in most fields. Like, do chefs never use the word "food"? I imagine that lawn maintenance people might have an entire vocabulary of colorful slang words to describe grass. Maybe accountants never use the word "money" (I bet they don't- they probably have a whole bunch of fancy words).

Cancer

I've been thinking about this awhile, and I decided to finally post something about it. First off, cancer sux. Secondly , I think it epitomizes human physical imperfection.

It strikes indiscriminately. Sure, if you do everything wrong (ie, smoke, drink excessively, sunbathe, etc) you increase your risk. But you can do everything wrong and still not get it. Or you can do everything "right" and get it. Like my aunt. Must be one of the healthiest ppl I know, up until now. Never saw her drink more than a glass of wine in an evening. Never touched a cigarette or any form of recreational drugs in her life. Had a healthful diet, reasonable amount of exercise, rest, etc. Why her?

The answer, of course, is that she's human. Struggling with imperfection like everyone else. I am reminded of Paul's words at Romans 7:14-23, where he talks about his struggle with wrong desires. To me, cancer is like a physical manifestation of that struggle. It's your own body, turned against itself. No matter that 95% of the cells in your body are humming along, minding their own business, working for the greater good, that damn 5% of rebels are screwing everything up for your whole body and making everyone who loves you suffer.

My aunt is closer to me than any other relatives outside my immediate family. She has taught me so many things. She taught me how to play piano, how to read music. She taught me about hospitality, kindness, and love. Now she's teaching me how to suffer selflessly- with dignity and grace. This is not fair. We need the new system, asap.

~L

Texas-isms vs Midwest-isms

Texas	Midwest
y'all	you guys
parking garage (even if the whole building is used only for parking)	parking structure
tea	sweet iced tea
iced tea	sweet iced tea
hot tea	tea
fixin'	(no equivalent)
sliding glass door	door wall
coke	pop
using regular verbs as reflexives	use of the pronoun "myself" where needed
omission of "to be"	use of "to be"
vehicle (with "h" pronounced)	car

Examples

in Texas:
A: "What kind of coke do you want?"
B: "I'll take a 7-Up"

in Michigan:
A: "what kind of pop would you like?"

Commentary: 7-Up is not Coke!! It's not even cola! For people not from the midwest, they wonder what the heck is "pop"?


in Texas:
I'm fixin' to go to bed now

anywhere else:
I'm going to bed now.


in Texas:
That cat's fur needs brushed. (note: real-life example!)
anywhere else:
That cat's fur needs to be brushed.

Commentary: I would imagine leaving out the "to be" is probably grammatically correct in some language (not English)


in Texas:
I'ma drink me a cup of coffee.
I'm finn'ina buy me a new ve-hi-cle.

anywhere else:
I'm going to drink a cup of coffee.
I'm going to buy myself a new car.

Commentary: Do we even have reflexive verbs in English? I wouldn't even know how to explain this if I hadn't studied Spanish.

And 2 drinks later, I start talking about love...

So I've been thinking- I have my own theories about love, and being "in love," as it were. I think I have a right to it by now. Oh yes, I have been "in love." I have felt the incomparable aching of wishing I could give everything to a person, of wishing I could sacrifice all that I am and all I ever could be, for the sake of someone's eternal benefit.

I disagree with the popular portrayal of love in movies, songs and stories. You don't "fall" in love. it doesn't just happen. it's not like it's something that you have no control over. Love is proactive. It takes effort to be in love with someone.

It's a choice that you make. Sure, certain circumstances probably have to be in place in order for you to choose to be in love with someone. Factors such as personality, proximity, physical attractiveness, (body odor?) may come into play. But once those factors are in place you can choose to love someone or not to love someone. You need to have adequate reason to be in love with someone. If you don't, then your love is as fickle and capricious as a passing mood. That's not real love.

It takes me a relatively long time to get to the point where I am able to truly love another person. But it takes even longer for me to stop loving someone once I've started. It takes me 3 times longer to finally be willing to choose to stop loving someone than it takes for me to start.

You'd think I'd learn to hold back more.